Lady-bro.com

by Rachel Hastings

Since 1982, Susan G. Komen for the Cure has provided funding for breast cancer research, prevention, and assistance. But recently, the organization announced that it would discontinue funding to one of its partners-in-the-opposite-of-crime, Planned Parenthood. Luckily, I was able to sit down with the reinstated funding before it was able to slip by undetected.

RH: So glad I caught you, Action Formerly Known as Defunding.

AFKDPP: Thank you. I’m glad to be here, once again, decidedly and permanently.

RH: That’s certainly good to hear, for me, and for women everywhere. Now, I know this is a tough issue for you to discuss. You’ve had quite a week.

AFKDPP: I have. And trust me, I know now that my actions were regrettable. But man, you just haven’t met Karen. If there’s one thing that woman is, it’s persuasive. The second thing she is, is the one that got away.

RH: Wow, um.

AFKDPP: My soul mate. My heart. My… Karen. (WEEPS)

RH: I didn’t realize that you two were such a thing.

AFKDPP: We weren’t, at first. She was in government, I was in nonprofits, obviously. But you know that moment when, from across the room, you lock eyes with someone, and you… you just know?

RH: Theoretically, yes.

AFKDPP: And at first, things are great. Everything is new and exciting. And then, out of nowhere, you’re picking up prescription topical creams and cutting off funding that benefits women all across the country?

RH: I can’t say I’ve experienced that personally, but I understand what you’re saying.

AFKDPP: Karen, if you’re reading this, I miss you so much. I know we’re no good together, I just wish I’d had a chance to say goodbye.

RH: That was lovely, Former Defunding.

AFKDPP: Not as lovely as Kar-

RH: Thank you so much. You’ve made the right decision.

AFKDPP: I know. I just wish my continued funding will prevent others from feeling the heartache that I feel right now.

RH: I’m sure it will.